Sex(ism) Education: Oppression in our Everyday Language
Photo by Christina Lu, Buzzfeed
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has recently drawn our attention to the violent use of language against women. She was called, to quote, a “F*cking bitch,” by fellow congressman Ted Yoho. Following this interaction, AOC gave a powerful speech in Congress which you should watch, and if you have not, I strongly advise that you do. Ocasio-Cortez states, “This issue is not about one incident. It is cultural. It is a culture of lack of impunity, of accepting violence and violent language against women and an entire structure of power that supports that.”
“This issue is not about one incident. It is cultural. It is a culture of lack of impunity, of accepting violence and violent language against women and an entire structure of power that supports that.”
In combination of listening to AOC’s words about the culture of sexist language, as well as reading the book Pussy by Regena Thomashauer, and existing in a recent climate of questioning our use of certain language (especially as the BLM movement brought specific attention to racist language) I was compelled to delve deeper into the issue of our use of daily vocabulary which causes harm – whether explicitly, or subtly. A conversation that we lack in our society is the way in which commonplace language reinforces sexist ideas and stereotypes. Due to its less obvious nature, it is hard to spot, and even harder to hold the person accountable as, more often than not, it is done out of ignorance.
The word “pussy” is one that has been specifically brought to my attention. As I know that the use of this word is not discussed in mainstream media and that not everyone will be purchasing the aforementioned book, I thought I would put together what I’ve learned from Thomashauer, and some further thoughts, in the hope that the issue might enter more peoples’ consciousness.
I was no less of a feminist when I was using the word “pussy” a few weeks ago. I simply had not thought about the root of the phrase. I would often use the phrase to refer to someone showing signs of weakness or a lack of courage, or I would use the phrase “pussy out” in reference to someone that backs out of something – again, showing signs of weakness in a specific scenario. I used this word without thinking of its actual meaning: female genitalia, and how I was using this phrase to literally mean weakness.
Our language is sexist. Here’s some Latin (and a bit of Greek, woo! Bear with me…) to prove it. In Latin, “Manhood; or manliness” translates as “virilita,” which in modern English is “virility.” “Virile” means “marked by strength or force” and as “vir” directly translates as “man,” we see that being a male has always been inextricably linked to the idea of strength. To further this point, in Greek, the word for courage – andreia – literally means manliness.
On the other hand, in Latin, “woman,” is “mulier,” which became “muliebrity” in the English derivation. “Mulier” is said to derive from “mollis” which means soft or weak. Although it is not a common word nowadays, muliebrity used to be used synonymously with “effeminate.” We can see already the historical sexist stereotypes that language plays a part in upholding. Latin over, thanks for still reading.
So naturally, the opposite of calling somebody a “pussy,” in other words, is to say the phrases that we use to indicate someone stronger or more courageous: we say “man up!” or “grow some balls” or “grow a pair.” We have equated male genitalia to strength and courage.
This reinforces the idea that being a man is something to be desired over being a woman. Having “balls” is something to be desired over having a “pussy.” Being a woman (at least on a linguistic level) is undesirable. “Pussy,” a word that refers arguably to the most remarkable feature of a human body (it literally grows and nurtures life), is used derogatively. It is used as the ultimate insult of weakness.
Remember, this phrase oppresses males too. Often in the context of: Showing your emotions? Pussy.
We have seen that it is harmful to our perception of all women, but ultimately the insult “pussy” is also harmful to any male who does not fully identify with the masculine stereotype of unwavering “strength,” “courage,” and “force.” I know many males who have been called a “pussy” for crying, or perhaps it was said because they felt scared to do something. In these situations, males' emotions are ridiculed as a show of weakness: they are told to “man up!” which literally means they must hide or suppress how they are feeling. This can be incredibly damaging to their mental health. So we can see that it is not only in the female interest to stop using “pussy” (along with any other phrase that perpetuates these sexist stereotypes), as it is in all of our interests so that we can fully express our emotions and identity, whether these conform to the classic stereotypes of our sex and gender or not. Not using these words gives each of us more freedom.
These sexist phrases show us the desirability that is associated with the masculine contrasted with the shame that surrounds the feminine, and they reflect society’s wider treatment of male and female sexuality. Our problem is that boys grow up talking far more openly about their genitalia and their sexual urges than girls do. First of all, going back to the word “virility,” type it into Google and you will see the definition “The quality of having strength, energy and a high sex drive; manliness.”
Part of its meaning is literally “to have a high sex drive.” On the other hand, (more Greek, I apologise), “damar,” the word for wife, literally comes from the word “damazesthai” which means “overpowered” or “broken in.” In other words, a woman would become a wife when she was finally overpowered sexually by her husband. This suggests that women did not want sex and that they were even expected to resist it, but this was only up until the man’s sexual drive and strength eventually and inevitably overpowered her. The word did not just ignore female sexuality, it presented it to be non-existent by actively portraying women as resistant to the idea of it. It is therefore no surprise that males grow up far more comfortable and open about their sexuality than their female counterparts. It has been that way for centuries.
These ideas are still prevalent nowadays. Boys are taught to refer to their genitalia most commonly as their “willy” or “penis,” which are both terms that are clear and give a name (which is extremely important) to the body part that they grow up with. Girls grow up rarely having a proper word with which to refer to their genitalia. In the book Pussy, Thomashauer talks about the ridiculous words that girls are taught to use whilst growing up, examples being “down there,” “noonie” and “cuckoo.” A few that I can add to the list from my own rare conversations when I was younger with other girls on the subject of our “private parts” (which in itself is yet another) are “bits,” “star,” and “flower.”
And she so rightly points out that the one scientific word that girls are given to refer to what we see is incorrect. Vagina – being the inside, is not the right word to refer to the external female genitalia. How often was the word vulva thrown about when we were younger? Rarely. Direct language around female genitalia is near non-existent, which inherently gives female sexuality a taboo nature. This is because it is not spoken about as directly and honestly as it should be. Not only this, but Thomashauer points out that the one word that we commonly use that could be the saving grace, the word that refers to our whole genitalia in a complete and clear way, “pussy,” is used as an insult.
The derogatory way in which we use the word “pussy” is the product of a society that is still entrenched in sexist stereotypes, but it also causes the continuation of this society, as we all use this word which perpetuates sexism in a significant, but subtle way (although its subtlety does seem ironic, as its reference to female genitalia is so explicit, as is its designation of it to mean weak – you could say it is actually extremely unsubtle, hiding in plain sight).
In my opinion, it’s not un-feminist to use the word in ignorance. In a patriarchal society, where women sadly are not treated as equals, it is unsurprising that this bias exists linguistically. It is, however, harmful to knowingly perpetuate the use of the word when you are aware of its significance in our subconscious perception of females. We live in a time where we are realising, and starting our work to dismantle, the dangerous constraints that society imposes on all of us (every human being) depending on our sex and gender. So, should we not also be breaking away from the language that perpetuates these old-fashioned, sexist stereotypes that constrict us?
I used to use these phrases without thinking, and I still catch myself on the cusp of saying them, or actually saying them. I make sure to correct myself now. My friends also correct me, and I correct them. As we have seen, we must educate ourselves and implement changes in our daily lives if we want to begin to tackle the huge inequalities we have in our society. This includes holding ourselves and others accountable. The harsh truth is that “pussy” and “bitch” (refer to AOC incident) are only two of countless phrases that are inherently sexist. A few other examples are: bossy, slut, slag, to wear the trousers, to get your knickers in a twist – the list goes on and is oppressive to all, be it to varying degrees. Sadly, daily language such as whether we use “pussy” derogatively or not, will not solve gender inequalities. But we are social beings – our language is so important culturally. So by stopping our use of inherently sexist vocabulary (that has been normalised), we are taking one of the many necessary steps to reaching a fairer society where our identities and self-expression are not constrained by the sex we were born into or by the gender with which we identify. Until we end our use of sexist language, we will not end sexism. It is something we all can and must do.
Hope Browne is a third year student at the University of Oxford studying French and Spanish. She is particularly interested in issues of sexism.